Evening Prayer

There on grass we lay, God grant us graces to pray.

Do you ask what the birds say when you speak your wish to be able to fly?

What the birds feel when the green field is below, blue sky is above high?

Bunyinya Ceng Ceng Lagi

Aku mahu ruang sendiri.
Untuk bisa aku berseorangan, melompat atau tegak berdiri.

Aku mahu kegembiraan maksimas.
Walaupun hidupku sanggup segalanya aku lepas.

Aku mahu bermain musik.
Meskipun nyaring aku sahaja dengarkan pekik.

Aku mahu punya lelaki.
Untuk mengawasi temani aku ke konsert dinihari.

Aku mahu akhiran yang menarik.
Supaya seronok puas walaupun kau kritik.

Aku mahu ke negara sepet.
Jauh boleh aku merantau , luaskan otakku yang masih sempit.

Aku mahu lukiskan potret.
Tidak guna lagi cermin, tunjukkan wajahku yang kian selebet.

Aku mahu alatan warna yang pelbagai.
Bermacam bunga akan aku lukis, orked mahupun teratai.

Aku mahu kamera canggih.
Dapat aku memorikan saudaraku riang tersengih.

Aku mahu petikan gitar.
Untuk aku mainkan
sementara menunggu apa yang aku mahu,
Supaya aku menanti, untuk aku sabar,
sedikit sahaja lagi.

I REPEAT

Semester 1

What do I have to say about the first semester in UiTM Lendu and being a Masscomer?

SUKA

At first, I hated myself for choosing the course ( Studies of Communication and Media ) because from the reaction of most of the people I met, I didn't feel good to admit that I chose that, but being there with friends who have the same interest and the same idea of what we want to achieve in few years time, I know I've made the right choice for me.

I remember when the seniors in my block ( Dang Anum ) asked us ( the juniors which all of us happened to be Masscomers ) for our names and for sure what course are we taking. Their responses were as what we expected, but we couldn't do much, could we? As the time goes, this 'budak masscom poyo and menggelabah'-belief has changed to be like some kind of joke that okay, I can bear with that. So it shows, we are what we think we are, not what others think. I got to confess, I am loud in my level. Loud like whenever I wanted to have a shower, I knocked every room to asked for companions. Yes, I was a chicken. shila mandi sorang memang tak laaa

Those early days of classes were fascinating. I met new people from all over Malaysia, and I had boys in my class ( *recalling* I was in girls school since primary - Assunta ). Tell me I'm silly now, but yes I was excited. For this very first semester, the class voted me to be the Assistant Class Rep ( Syed saved my name in his phone as 'Shila Class Ass' ) but lamentably I never want to be in that position no more. Gosh I enjoyed being there, I loved having the responsibilities. Just that I think there are others who have the better ability for it. Yeah, one semester was much enough.

I am considered lucky to have a group of friends to study with, have fun, to trust and to share my college's life with. I am afraid to lose them, but it seems like we are apart by the few causes, by few people and by few minor thinkings. Since high school, I keep in mind that if people don't like having me around, I'll go. I wouldn't mind of having another new friends in fact I do have best friends that want me to be with them, I'll be fine.

It's eerie to admit that a senior was right about friends in college, about 'first-semester-friends' to be exact. Just by whatever reasons, I love my friends, all of them.

Not much of excitement I guess but overall this is my own first semester's life. Not looking forward of having juniors, some close friends know why. What are there to be wait on the second semester? I wonder *winks*

Oh, I have this one habit of naming guys with animal names. With no intentions of being rude, names are given because most of the guys are well-known ( -______- ! ) and no I don't have the reason why it have to be animal names.

And yes there is one human that I called Singa ( Lion ) which is irresistibly handsome, hehe. He's just the type of guy who is perfect for my eye candy, and naaah, I don't think he would even realize my endurance. (-______- !! ) Bahaha, chillax. rasa macam psiko pulak

So so so what's up with the big red bold word up there? Ahah, simple - saya suka lah.

Blow flow

Back at home until Tuesday. Can’t wait to enjoy my chilling time though I’m going to have my final next week, not underestimating BEL 120 but since there’ll only be essay questions, I don’t really know what to revise on.

Since I’m home now and I kind of having lot of free time to spend, I’m looking forward on meeting my friends, hang out with my family, go for movies, eat sushi, and on Monday I’ll start my revision. Systematic enough? =)

Blessed.

I wonder if there’s other sane human will do the thing I do best and always, analogue. I complained, I spell my anger, I pissed off, I curse myself and I care of so many things.

I care what he thinks. I care what she is talking. I care what people think about me. I care I care.

Ali kata Lah

I once watched the Oprah Winfrey’s show on expressing feelings, long time ago. One of the slots that really got to me was the part when she said, ‘if you feel like crying on something, don’t cry on the spot, cry on the next two months’. It’s kind of sad though because I can exactly recall why she said so, but whatever it is, Oprah, I am listening to you.

Why?

This year Eid has been totally not as what I hoped it would be. The last time I remember, I got everything that I listed for my shopping list, even more than I planned. I don’t dare to talk about the money I received; too much that I have spent it all in a week. It was a really awesome week to regret. Busu Ujah who all the way from Vancouver, Canada visited us at Padang Sebang, Malacca told me ( and someone that I forgot who ) to at least save 50 cent per day, in a hope the money we saved, one day could fly us to her house in Canada. Which is almost likely impossible, I’m still listening to you too busu.

Weeks come and go, I’m relieved to at last I am free again. I feel like I’m cursed by my own words, frankly I have no luck on getting into relationship. The last word that I said about relationship was karma. I trusted someone so badly and decision made so clear to show that I was stupid to be fooled by a person that for now I think, doesn’t worth any of my attention. It is hard to think, but it was even harder to be with him. Someone who is so into himself, and for a person who thinks he/she deserves better than what they have, there’s nothing can make me to be with him still. Yikes, I am expressing too much, but hey Oprah, I didn’t cry. I don’t. I’m not cheating, I don’t cheat, never.

Finals are so near (next week on Wednesday), and I am glad that I don’t have anything that bothers me, anymore or yet. To stay focused I must relax, to be relax I have to be happy, and to be happy I must be with my family. Because of that I am coming back on this Thursday! Ha ha.
I’m looking forward for getting a part-time job for my semester break. Not too far from PJ I guess, just to get normal, to be like what I used to be. To get busy, to have a life.

And Oprah, I don’t think I would ever cry. I won’t.

I want raya.

selamat hari raya :)

hello dearest,

We're definitely closer to the enthusiastic eid of all times, Hari Raya Aidilfitri, so hopefully I'm forgiven for all my wrong doings, hope if there is someone out there who has issue with me, keep it till after raya okay if nak marah jgk, kasilah saya raya dengan aman sikit, pretty please :) mari kita harapkan yang baik baik sahaja untuk raya kali ini. May Allah blesses the entire world, Amin ya rabbanal Alamin :)

saya saya

you know what? i wanna do my thing now. i dont want to tahan tahan anymore, i dont care. i'll study and i'll have fun. i'll enjoy myself as what other teenagers eligible to do. no i wont go across the limit, im not that stupid.

shila tidak akan menghampakan sesiapa, termasuk diri dia jugak :)